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11/26/04 - I have been a creator of different types of art for many years. I can remember drawing comics and Christmas cards when I was 10 yrs and younger. Growing through the years, I've consistently asked myself why I persist. What is the drive to create? Why does one person have a passion, and another person a moderate interest? My answer to these questions have slowly changed through the years as I've gotten older and smarter, but at this point in my life, I can say I have the answers to these questions when speaking about myself.

When I was younger, if you asked me why I liked to create so much, and why I worked so hard, I would simply tell you it was because I loved to do it. I had a passion for it. This point of view is very broad, and can be interpreted in an infinite number of ways. These days, I understand exactly what drives me and why I work so hard, and remain consistent through the years. I want to make a contribution for the betterment of mankind. You might think this is quite egotistical, but if you knew me well you'd know that I know how insignificant I truly am, and I never expect to make a major contribution as long as I live. But for me, the act of trying and understanding why is winning the game. When I say, "trying", I mean dedication for a long time, to where it's obvious, regardless of how you rank with the millions of competitors in your field, that you lived with a steady concept and drive. That is winning the game of satisfaction.

Many people would disagree and say that to change mankind for the better, you have to be the best in your field, and publicly noticed. I say this philosophy is self- defeating, because almost always there is somebody better than you, or at least just as good but different. My point is, to prove beyond a reasonable doubt, to yourself that your drive is for the betterment of the people around you and work for that cause. Feel empathy for them. They're in the same boat as you, and they're being cheated from all directions. If I truly believed that life was a gift, and I truly thought that the human race had it good, I would still create but I would not have the energy to do something truly amazing. I gain that energy because I know and believe that the human race deserves better than what it has. There's many ways to accomplish this, through civic duty, charity volunteer work etc. It just so happens that for me, even before I could understand these concepts I was drawing and creating. That was natural work for me.

I would like to finish by saying don’t beat yourself up if you cant be the best in the world. You probably have a better chance of winning the lottery 100 times. Set a better goal for yourself, not one that's dictated by society, but one that measures with the scale that's inside you. Have you convinced yourself your doing your best?
I feel like I should be a lot better than I am aesthetically for the amount of time I've been creating, but I also think I'm relatively good under my own standards. Basically, I've reached satisfaction for myself. Does this mean I will I will stop drawing tomorrow, HELL NO! I hope to keep drawing as long as my body permits, because I love it. But when I'm feeling empathetic I work passionately hard, and the rest of the time I work moderately but satisfied.

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